We can all relate to the situation when someone asks us to make or mend something! Do you sew for others, or is sewing a solo, self-care activity for you? We discuss how to create sewing boundaries to keep your sewing passion ignited, and also how to graciously say no to those sewing projects you don’t want to tackle.
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- ’11 Responses When Someone Asks You to Sew Something’ by MellySews.com
- Style Sew Me ‘How to Say No When Asked to Sew for Others’ YouTube Video
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I want that cup!!!!!
Isn’t it amazing? We are doing a giveaway for it on Instagram/Facebook, but it is also available for purchase here: https://topstitchatl.com/collections/gifts-kits/products/sewist-mug
Oh, this episode resonates with me. (Okay, all of your episodes resonate. THank you – I learn so much from this podcast!)
The story I won’t leave on insta, since names can’t be changed to protect the innocent. I have done my best, though.
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I have a relative, who was making an epic, life-changing trip where technical hiking gear was required, and they are a particular size where such gear is hard to find. I was inspired by their vision and I was feeling generous, so I offered to make hiking tights/leggings in their size. This was an easy offer – I make my own gear, and had long ago sourced fabric and tested and adapted patterns for my own use – it was just a matter of adapting to size and fit. All I needed was a set of measurements, really. Not even complicated measurements – waist, hip, inseam. It’s a very forgiving pattern, and I even had a hack to add highly functional pockets! And this was a case where I really did want to make something for someone else.
But, apparently, it was too, too difficult for my relative to provide those measurements in a timely way. I asked for them repeatedly, several months before they were needed, to allow for ordering fabric, making the garment or garments, and allowing for errors and alterations. I planned ahead.
They, on the other hand, did not. They were too busy to take measurements, I was told repeatedly. So, sadly, getting measurements in a timely way was just unpossible. As the day of departure approached, I eventually communicated that the offer was withdrawn. “Hey, I guess you have decided not to take me up on my offer, which is okay, but now it’s JUST NOT POSSIBLE to make anything before your trip. I’m so sorry you’ve been too busy to get me the info I needed. I’m sure you’ll still have fun and it will be an amazing trip, regardless!”
2 weeks before the trip, I got a long complaint about how hard it has been for them to find the right gear for their size, a list of their measurements (maybe? they didn’t have a tape measure and were only going by looking at about the size of their boughten clothes?), and a request for color/print preference and could we please use only biologically friendly fabric? My crazy print leggings are so cute, but they use Lycra, which we all know is immoral because of the Koch brothers, etc. etc.
I had to respond “I cannot accommodate that request.”
So I am now the person who reneges on offers to make things, and people should not ask me for anything, ever. This story is told, and is part of family lore. I recognize that there’s bullying involved here, but I won’t be bullied. I stood my ground, and people who know anything about making anything, know the request was ridiculous. And for me, it’s a funny story. Sadly, my relative still doesn’t understand why I laugh when they tell it.
Elaine, thank you so much for sharing your story! Wow, that sounds like quite the struggle, and you were trying to do the nice thing by saying you would make it for them! In the least, it has helped you to set boundaries, which is important. Thanks again for sharing, and all the best with your personal sewing 🙂
The two outstanding strange asks for sewing are 1)New father-In-law learns I can sew, asks me to re-upholster a car for him (No – my machine isn’t heavy-duty enough for that kind of material) and 2)My new (at the time) quilting business website (that did not list my phone #) garnered a call from someone in the SE US who wanted me to quilt Kevlar…
My husband’s response to #1 was that I was lucky his Dad didn’t tracked down an industrial machine for me!
Wow! These requests are pretty unordinary, Sally! Thanks so much for sharing!
here’s an article that’s related to this topic – https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/11/25/20975946/hobby-what-should-i-try-how-to
it is why I always refuse requests to sew for others (very rarely do I even sew as gifts) – my leisure time is precious & sewing for others is too stressful for what should be relaxation time.
Ooo we can’t wait to give this a read! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank you sew/so much for throwing out the hourly rate $$ bits. That helps much at this time. Besides hemming, special occasion alterations, and ‘add a gusset’ to shirts and dresses. Some ask how much, some don’t; some pay without question, some try to negotiate me down. This episode helped me firm up my costs and my answers to requests.
Yay! We are happy it helped 🙂
Loved this episode. Made me think back to the first time I was asked to make something. I was in high school and I was asked to make a velvet bridesmaid dress for my Dad’s Boss’s daughter. I did not even think I could say no. I did it but also decided I would never do that again. It turned out good but way too much pressure. I do have a thing with my brother and son where they help me with all sorts of repairs around my house and I sew for them. I can not say no but I have had to repair car seats where the dog made a hole, covers for tractor seats, sand bags to anchor wine bottles during an earthquake, replace zipper in down jackets and repair many many jeans with so little material to work with. I have learned a lot and would never say no to them but I will not say yes to anyone else… well except granddaughters. I was really surprised you did not bring up grandchildren in this show, that has to be a soft spot for many of us.
Ooo yes, grandchildren must be a soft spot! It sounds like you have a great trade system going with your brother and son. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for listening to the podcast 🙂